I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
