is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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