Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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