call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
