What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
