I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
