I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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