A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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