You can't special order awesome
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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