addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
