I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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