My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
