So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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