Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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