i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize