I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
