He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
