Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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