I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
