i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
