Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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