Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
