i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
