How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
