Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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