OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
