Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
