i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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