I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize