I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
