Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
