may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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