I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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