i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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