i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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