Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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