he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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