There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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