The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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