I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
