News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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