its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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