Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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