How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
FUCK WHALES
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