i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
