Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This baby is an asshole
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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