I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my liver is dry heaving
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
