I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
