I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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