I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
