apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
