she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
