I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
