At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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