oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
