i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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