I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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