You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
