I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize