maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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