i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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