Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
