Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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