You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
