Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
