1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
