I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
