She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
