everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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