if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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