fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
