I just threw up on my dentist
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
