took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
