Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
