I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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